Silly season

What is wrong with this picture?

Oh nothing really. It's probably just me. 

But, isn't that a really, really weird place to put a public bench?

On the far side of the fence is a school's sports pitch. This side is a public footpath. Just WHO is this bench meant for?

Anyway, I've taken to affectionately calling it the paedo-bench, and the name is beginning to stick amongst colleagues. What do you reckon I can get it removed by the powers-that-be through the power of a silly name and Chinese whispers?

I hasten to add here that I have no genuine concerns that paedophiles are using the bench to observe gym sessions. I'm not a sabre-rattling-peados-on-every-corner type of gal. In fact the only person I have ever seen indulging urges on the bench is a colleague eating chips and enjoying an off-premises smoke. 

It's very slightly 'silly season' in school (you may have noticed). Exams are nearly done with. ALL my Law students are on study leave and whilst I have plenty of work to do, it's generally of the 'pushing paper' variety.

It's been a real delight to spend some days with colleagues in the staffroom with similar workloads, indulging in the kind of water-cooler gossip that is largely impossible during normal teaching life. Before I started teaching last September it never really occurred to me what a lonely job teaching can be. In terms of adult interaction, it's been a desert. As someone new to the area and the job it's been very hard to grow a social life out of my new school. Here's hoping that a few more days sweltering in the staff-room will lead to some more burgeoning friendships.

Exam Board Shenanigans

Ok, so I'm a bit of a stickler sometimes. A tad pedantic. I also have a strong 'mother-hen' streak where my students and their potential exam results are concerned. There's a healthy amount of self interest there too of course; I expect them to make me look FABULOUS on results day. 


It was with perturbation (what a great word, hitherto unused by me!) that I read over one of the recently-sat GCSE papers and found the following question:

a) Judges take may factors into account when deciding upon sentencing, including aggravating and mitigating factors. List below THREE factors which may be considered 'aggravating'.


So far so good. I actually taught them this schizzle! Possible answers are things like ' racially motivated crime', 'use of a weapon' or 'vulnerability of the victim'. 3 marks in the bag. Get IN! (God! I'm good. Etc etc ad nauseum)

b)Discuss what any TWO of these factors influencing sentencing are seeking to achieve.


OK, here's the 'rub'. I have enormous issues with the question. Mostly of the 'WTAF?' nature. When you've finally unravelled the excruciating grammar, just what are they asking? The literal, logical translation might be: 'What is use of a weapon trying to achieve?'


Unanswerable nonsense. This Utter B*ll*cks accounts for ten percent of the marks for this entire paper! That's ten percent of my FABULOUSNESS at stake. Let's put this in perspective!


Naturally, being me, I couldn't shrug this off, so I contacted the relevant exam board to raise my concerns. Their response wasn't as reassuring as I'd hoped. "Question papers are put through a number of quality assurance checks and this question was considered to be fair and answerable".


Well that's OK then. Oh, wait, no it's not. 


The rest of the reply was of a slightly 'arse-covering' tone. My concerns will be tabled before the marking panel apparently. Fingers crossed for a sensible approach. This is all virgin territory for me as an NQT. 


I'm quite grateful really, for the distraction of exam board complaints. With ALL of my law students off on study leave, and some very dull scheme of work tasks to deal with, little intrigues and outrages like this make my life bearable, and offer some relief from the malaise of staff-room moaning.


We KS5 teachers with no pupils at the moment are a rare and smug breed in my school. Today a colleague and I entertained ourselves for the entire afternoon asking passing, rushing, harassed-looking teachers 'Are you still teaching this term?' on receiving an affirmative answer, we'd look at each other knowingly and say 'Oh! How QUAINT!' followed by gales and cackles of laughter from us and (generally speaking) a single-digit symbol of annoyance from our victim. We'll get our just deserts, I'm assured.


On a personal note, bad educative news in the LawTeacher household. #2 has been denied a place in grammar school despite all of my best efforts in the appeal process. The appeal panel, rather annoyingly, have accepted all of my (excellent) points.

They accept the evidence that she's both able and appropriate for grammar school. They also accept that the system is unfair to those who move into an eleven-plus county without opportunity to practice and prepare.

But still, it's tough shit because there are no spaces. The grammar system is broken. There's a multitude of good reasons that 80% of the country have abandoned this system, you know. Still, the traditionalists nobs of Tunbridge Wells environs will have their say and continue to buy extra coaching for their little darlings, ensuring that opportunity is the preserve of the wealthy and they can continue to spend what they save on private schooling on ski holidays and pricing the rest of us out of the housing market. Deep, deep joy.